My story.

Once upon a time, there was a village in the deep forest. There was so many people in that village. There was a rule that when the kids are old enough they have to climb the mountain to another side of the village. All people have heard that another side of the village was a very civilize village. The parents of the kids were encouraging their kids to climb that high mountain. There is a kid named Dolly who's old enough to climb the mountain. Dolly didn't understand why she has to climb the mountain to another side. The day that Dolly had to go, she said goodbye to her family. While she was climbing the mountain there was so many obstacles. Dolly reminds herself of what her mother said. Dolly's mother said she had to keep going no matter what happened. Dolly saw lots of her friends were giving up, but she wanted a better life in a civilize village she wouldn't give up. Finally she reached another side of the village, there was so beautiful like heaven. After she arrived that side of the villages, there is an angel came to her. The angel gave Dolly a wish, anything that she asked for. Dolly told the angel that she wanted her family to be here with her, and her wish came true. Dolly and her family live happily ever after.


My friend commented that I should add more details and explanation to the story. I added more details to the story and changed the ending a little bit. My friend's comment is not so useful for me.